French Verbs Suck

I am working on verbs, as they are so difficult in French, leaving me with comfortable with nouns but dependent on hand gestures for verbs - luckily my life is G-rated, so my hand gestures are not obscene. I have been spending more time with my Rosetta Stone, and Gwynn from downstairs has agreed to only speak French to me. I try to keep talking to the children and neighbors in French even after they switch to English to keep the conversation flowing.

Knowing I need an extra set of keys made for the next visitors to Chez Dwyer, I practiced my French before heading to the hardware store.

"Bonjour monsieur, je voudrais un double de cle, s'il vous plait."

"Bonjour monsieur, je voudrais un double de cle, s'il vous plait."

"Bonjour monsieur, je voudrais un double de cle, s'il vous plait."

I said it over and over in my head as I walked two blocks to the shop. I waited as the guy in the back of the store fiddled with something, and finally noticed me. I hold out my keys and get "Bonjour Monsieur, je voudrais un . . . " out of my mouth when the guy starts yelling, "Non, non, aujourdhui, blah blah parler francais, blah blah, NON!"

What? Was he mad that I speak such bad French? WTF? I have been here for two months, and very little rudeness has been sent my way. Frustration, yes. But actual rudeness, not really. I spent 10 minutes in a shop asking for electrical tape to mark my cuisine tools, and the shopkeeper was patient, as I listed all the things that could be helpful: adhesive, sticky, electricity, electric guitar, glue, paste, scotch tape, scotch, brandy, etc all while pretending to be electrocuted by the lamp cord with a scary zzzz sound that an electric chair might make during the death penalty. I even mimed how to wrap tape around the cord to stop my electrocution. Then I listed colors that the tape might be, and pretended to wrap a present with tape, and voila, he opened a drawer with 10 different types of tape, and I chose the red (no pink). He rang it up and I paid while saying many Mercis. I know it wasn't perfect, but I got the job done.

Last week, I de-magnetized my Metro card with the magnets used to hold down baking paper in the oven at school, and found the main office at Gare du Nord, explained that it didn't work, and got a new card without one hand gesture!

Another example of my progress: Last week, a cute American guy at the grocery store asked me if I spoke English, and wanted my help to find baking powder and vinegar. I didn't ask what kind of stain he was trying to eradicate, went to the woman stocking the shelves, "Excusez-moi, madame, ou est-ce que le vinagre et the poudre de chimique?" I was mostly right, I asked for vinegar and baking powder, but it worked. Baking soda is bicarbinate de soude, and only found at pharmacies, I think. So I can usually get through a transaction with just a little embarrassment, making the key incident that much more anger-inducing. Of course, I stopped at the grocery store on the way home, and drowned my frustration in a nice bottle of white bordeaux - only 3.80 Euros.

I still need those keys made, and will have to go back the store tomorrow, I hope someone else is working, so I don't start an international incident when that guy refuses to serve me. I know the exact hand gesture for him, no practice needed!